This blog so far has brought me solace I really wasn’t expecting, especially so soon after starting it. At the weekend I even plucked up the courage to share the blog in a parenting group I’ve been in for the last 8 years. All mother’s with children the same age, we’ve forged friendships over the internet talking privately with each other about our deepest darkest secrets, funny experiences, sad times, slummy mummy moments and well pretty much everything, we’ve all since met up and are very close friends. It dawned on me the one thing we haven’t talked about is rape. After a chilled evening, a couple of vodkas and chatting to them on Friday night, I decided to share my blog with them. I posted the link to the group of 30 and explained that I wasn’t looking for sympathy but that I wanted to share with them and talk about it.
The first to respond told me of a friend who recently opened up to her about a rape that happened 17 years ago, we chatted about it a bit, she said she wasn’t sure she handled it right, I offered advice based on my own feelings and she is going to get back in touch with her and chat to her more about it. I felt good to know that it had helped both her and hopefully her friend, knowing that she cared and understood.
Lots of responses followed that were all very heart warming and empowering, plus another lady who hinted that she too had been raped but changed her post to delete that bit but I had already seen it so talked to her about it and a 3rd lady told us all of when she was raped in her 20s but was high at the time so felt like she was to blame and couldn’t do anything about it. What I really wasn’t expecting was the respect and admiration towards me for doing this, the votes of confidence that this IS the right thing to do. I honestly thought most people would think I was mental writing about my rape experience on the internet!
With that in mind I also shared it with another group of women, a smaller group and again a similar response, a lady who’s sister was raped at 14 whilst walking her dog and a private message from another lady who was raped at 15 by an ex, she said she’s never dealt with it but because he was her ex she convinced herself that it was acceptable.
Although it is amazing to have all these women open up to me, and talking about rape openly is one of the main things I wanted from this blog, it scares the fuck out of me how many women are still blaming themselves so, so many years later. Society is a mess… it doesn’t like talking about rape and starts accusing the victim instead of dealing with how bad this is. It does not matter whether you openly invite a man into your house, whether it’s your husband, whether you were drunk, high or dressed in flesh revealing clothes, no man has the right to have sex with you without consent…. ever. When you say the word NO at any point during a date, encounter or whatever, you have clearly stated that you do not want to have sex, if he continues, it is rape. If you are asleep, unconscious or drugged, too scared to say say no, it’s still rape. No matter how he might try to sugar coat it into a mis-understanding, that he “knew” you really wanted it, that you led him on, that you asked for it, that it was “just sex” HE IS WRONG.
Take a look at this poster, sums it up really…
Rape Happens 